Episode 11 - 07/02/11

Is this the bravest man in Ireland?

Well what an eventful evening we had this week as anybody who stayed up past midnight to watch Fade Street will tell you.

Louise basically got fired/was made retire from Stellar and decided it was time to move back home to the family crypt. Yet how the magazine can get rid Louise and keep that sexist pig Diarmaid is beyond us.  Has the recent Sky Sports scandal not taught you media folk anything? After breaking up with Stellar, scorned Louise got her hair done - an incredible FIVE times.  Cici followed suit with her eyebrows as they went from little to large in the space of a few seconds. Magic!

Andre replaced Dani, who had last week replaced Paul as the angry culchie and accused the Wexford Wagon of flirting with fashion entrepreneur and hipster wunderkind, Josh Gordon. Well JoshJoshJosh, no wonder you were so defensive (see comments) of Fade Street a few weeks back! We've seen your t-shirts pop up a few times but didn't think the man, the CEO of Fuck’n Filthy himself, would make an appearance. May we say that you looked great, not at all trendy and definitely did not play trendy tunes.

As real as our disdain for Fade Street’s ever-changing time slot

Off to a flying Plus 3 for Susan's no-emotion-in-the-office policy still being enforced.

Plus 5 to Stellar for managing to pull out of the show so quickly when they found out the new time slot.

Dani predicts that the Cici's first club night will make it or break it. Plus 4. The last Leather night we know of was in 4 Dame Lane and screened the first episode of Fade Street. Just saying...

"I'm not trying to make 4 Dame Lane cool," says Cici. Plus 4 for saying one thing that makes sense. But Minus 3 for being a terrible employee and slagging it off so often throughout the episode. You have about as much loyalty as Dani.

Plus 5 for Loubot's failing memory. She thanks Vogue for coming up with the idea of contacting Blink PR even though they offered her a job, what, two weeks ago?

Dani has a faceless mute gimp to practice her tattooing on. Plus 3 because that is very cool. On a completely unrelated note, didn't Pamela Anderson catch hep C from dirty tattoo needles?

Diarmaid and Harry are gym buddies now? Plus 4. Along with talk of "chicks" and "biceps", only Vogue could have added more testosterone to that scene. But what are the odds that two guys who met randomly in Galway both use the same gym? Minus 1

Is this the manliest man in Ireland?

Plus 2 for Harry’s movember tash.

Vogue's delivery of “I don't like improvising” was actually so convincing we thought it was her shouting at one of Fade Street's producers. Plus 3

Shutupthat'sawesomelady get's over enthusiastic about the job: "Straight in. No kissing. We're all about getting stuck into the job." Plus 4

As with any scene that's filmed in a clothes shop, we love how the girls stand at the same rail in Pennys for the entire scene. Plus 3

Nobody wants to host Cici's super-vague club night. Well... Plus 4

Did anybody catch that shifty look Diarmaid gives before walking into the restaurant with Melina Bot? Plus 3 We’d be wearing hoodies, and sunglasses if we had to go out in public with her.

Diarmaid, during his date with Melbot: "I like football and hurling and all that stuff" Big manly things. Yeah. Plus 4. If we were Melina and if he hadn't blown that candle out he would have still been peeling wax of his face.

Louise and Vogue discuss how great Dillon is and we are totally down with that. Plus 7

Diarmaid tells Melina that Louise is probably just scared of her. We are scared of her. She is terrifying and evil. Plus 3

Plus 10 for DSP's guest appearance. We'd cry if he left without saying goodbye.

Plus 4 for the life plan that DSP has for Louise. Does this guy do consultations? Plus another 4 for how he basically implies that she never has sex and doesn't need her own apartment anyway.

Cici's nose ring. How punk. But at least it distracts from her eyebrows so we'll give it a Plus 2.

Cici's manager looks more out of place in 4 Dame Lane than Vogue in a girls jacks. Plus 3 But why is he freaking out that the band hasn't started when it's only 8 O'Clock? Minus 2

Wonder who the mysterious band were? Kid Karate have been known to flake before. Plus 2 We were half hoping J90 would make a triumphant return.

Plus 8 for Andre's spectacular entry: Almost as good as Paul Furlong's Oxegen rampage. And another plus 2 for the fact that he's back on the market.

"Most internships don't pay money, I believe," exclaims Louise -- welcome to the real world, love! Plus 5

Dani or Cici don't really seem to care that sexless Louise is moving out. This is made clear by Cici asking how they'll afford rent now. Plus 5

As fake as any internship that has ever been featured in this program
Michael O'Doherty is getting reports that Louise is not pulling her weight and that everybody in Stellar gives 110%. The only people we've ever seen doing actual work is Curvy Lay-Out Lady and DSP when he doesn’t know the camera is on him. Plus Melbot's been sitting on her arse looking like an extra tit just as much. Minus 4. DSP and CLOL are the only thing holding Stellar together at this stage.

MOD gets a "spoilt kid" vibe of Lou-bot. Maybe he meant that she's spoiling her kid, Dani. She does let her stay up awfully late. Minus 4

"You don't know anything about my background, Michael," splurts Louise. Minus 4 because it's totally unlikely he saw your massive gaff in Clonskeagh on TV before...

Susan says it's probably for the best if Louise goes. We could have told her that 10 miserable episodes back. Minus 8

"This is my show tonight," says Cici regarding her shit club-night. Oh please, dear, you've always had the supporting role. Minus 6

Well done to Louise for twisting the story of getting fired when describing it to Vogue.  Minus 5  because she leaves out the fact that a) She was fired for her terrible attitude and b) She cried like a baby.

Louise claims to have always paid her own way. More lies, she's been on the pension for the last 40 years and got a free house to live in from RTÉ. Minus 3

"Hi' I'm Vog. I'm an actor but I haven't learnt your script." That audition was about as professional as Louise's interview for Stellar. On top of that the bit of script she had to learn was literally FIVE lines. Minus 12.

Also, what the fuck was happening in that script? Why does everybody in this business talk in riddles? We're starting to get angry and confused. Minus 8

Minus 3 for the fact that Diarmaid says he is attracted to cold bitch Melina (Happy birthday by the way M!) but Plus 6 for the fact that (even if jokingly) he's booked a taxi to get her away from his house quickly in the morning.

Minus 6 to Melina for stooping low enough to go out with Diarmaid...and for doing anything social, for that matter. And doesn't she have a sexy German boyfriends anyway?

There's nobody in the restaurant when Harry takes Melina. Did that cheap bastard treat her to an early bird? Minus 4

Melbot's accent got way more Irish this week. As did Diarmaid's. Minus 3. Is anybody's accent on this show consistant?

Is this the biggest dickhead in Ireland?

"She can be icy," says Melbot about Lou. While that is the biggest understatement ever, pots can't call kettles black. Minus 10. We're looking at you Josh.

Why, oh why, is Dillon defending the horrible specimen that is Melina? Minus 6. Not cool D!

"You see some people acting and they just can't do it. Maybe I just can't do it," says the Vogmeister. There's no "maybe" about it love. None. Zero. Zilch. Nada. You can't act. You are in a terrible “reality tv” programme. Minus 4

Cici calls in current “worst person in a 600 mile radius” title holder Josh Gordon to DJ. Minus 7

'I've seen you flirt before," says Andre to Dani. Minus 3 because who hasn't?

Total Plus 6 - That's exactly five more than the amount of seasons this train wreck of a series will get

The comments on this blog, no matter how offensive, are aimed at the characters portrayed in the show and not the bad actors who play them. In the event that a libel case arises we would get pleasure out of seeing RTÉ prove that the show is an accurate portrayal of anybody’s life….anywhere.