Friday, November 12, 2010

Episode 1 - 12/11/12

We’ve been waiting a long time and it’s finally here so, without wasting any time, here are the airheads you will be bitching about for the next few months. Check the bottom of the post for legal jargon.

Dani: Small country girl from Wexford who has promised her juvenile yellow-headed boyfriend that she will stay faithful to him. Let's hope she can stay off the coke longer than she can stay off the unkempt Dublin male population which is just about the only thing that RTÉ has got right in this thing. Serving one has seen her watering at the eyes in a bid to keep her legs clamped shut in a bar with her wise culchie friend. After what seems like about 2 days away from her yellow headed beau it seems that poor Dani is at breaking point and resorts to leaving her shit gig in the Academy with a homosexual called Steven.

Louise: Better than you
Louise: Judging by the promo photos, there is no doubt that Louise is in fact a 40 year old woman sent to spy on the group by RTÉ bosses to ensure that the show’s budget is not exceeded. We give it at least three seasons before she is found out. In an interview with RTÉ she said she doesn't notice the camera and crew (which, let's be honest, presumably consists of at least 2 cameramen, somebody holding a boom mic over your head, a sound guy and a squad of other helpers). Point proven? Slightly prone to making exaggerated statements. (See below)

Vogue: Louise’s gay friend who once worked in construction and has a deep voice even by male standards. Now we're glad that Dani made reference to his...erm...colourful name because this will save us a lot of blog space. Can we just say that he could have chosen ANY kind of name that nearly sounded believable: Marie Claire, Elle or even Harper's Bazaar would even have been better than a word that, at the end of the day, literally means something that is fashionable at a particular time per.......wait, we guess that does in fact sum him up.

Cici: Fame whore who hangs around with a gay man and his pet beaver. Holds the title of quickest indroduction to douchebag award. We’ll be keeping an eye on her