Episode 9 - 24/01/10

This week saw pretty much nothing happen on Fade Street in-keeping with the running theme of the show. Unfortunately, Cici's oxygen tank broke and she was looking rough to say the least. She tried to shift our attention away by drawing on eyebrows with chunky charcoal from the DIT supplies closet. She also went on another date with Keith whose eyes are still as crazy as Jim Corr's conspiracy theories.

Diarmaid replaced Beaver Boy as new annoying sidekick and oh, how we realised that you never know what you've got until it's gone. Come back BB!!!

The highlight of our week came when we meet Ali “The Riddler”Coffee. Did anybody have a clue what the fuck she was on about? This shit was even more confusing than Cici's introduction. Answers on a postcard please.

As real as Dani's tears

What would happen if Paul knew about Andre? We don't know but we imagine the phrase “Fuck off” would probably feature. No points, just an observation.

“Bikers and slappers party: Free in before 10 O’clock,” Once again, Michael takes the quote of the week award. Plus 6

Ali replaces Jules with her gay man haircut. Plus 4 for replacing the bowl-shaped hole in our hearts.



"If you want to be cast by me, answer me these riddles three"



Plus 10 for Vogue's baffled look when talking to the casting director, The Riddler. We've re-watched this scene no less than 15 times and still are none the wiser as to her advice.

The Ridder, from what we gather, suggests that the actor makes a short film? Gay sex tape? Voggy Style 9? Plus 5

Vogue calls Melina a “cow bag”? Good man sticking up for your granny and said with such panache ! Plus 5

Leigh describes Dani's folder as a Leaving Cert project and a couple of sketches. Here here! Plus 4

Andre doesn't think Dani is the kind of girl he could take home to his mom. Plus 7 for the most accurate description of the Wexford wagon so far.

DSP asks if Vogzilla's DJ skills have improved. We can confirm that no, no they have not. Plus 3

“The whole reason people go to free events is free booze” Good one Vogue. Plus 4. Incidentally, Gossip at ALT has free Prosecco until 11 every Saturday. Just saying.

Louise breaks out the old cardigan that kept her warm through the last ice age. Remarkably, it's in fashion again. Plus 4. Minus 1, though, for the fact that she has an iPhone 4. Granma can't work no technology.

Dani talks about gooches. Plus 2 for the her one track mind

Shutupthat'sawesomelady makes a triumphant return. That'sawesome! Plus 5

Plus 4 for Andre's reaction to getting a piercing.

Nobody is dancing when Vogue DJs. Plus 3 because he's, well, not great.

Plus 4 for two guys who don't know each other becoming best mates within seconds and deciding to go out in Galway.

Keith hiding a few bodies under his 17 layers?  Mix that with his guilty “I've just killed somebody” look, shaky hands and aggressive behaviour and come to your own conclusion. Plus 4

Diarmaid stinks after a night out in Galway. Well it is the crusty capital of the world. Plus 5

Plus 5 for the fact that Cici only meets people in smoking areas for this entire episode.

As fake as Cici's eyebrows

UCD went low enough to let Fade Street film there. Minus 4 but Plus 2 because this is exactly what we predicted last week.

Louise's ginger friend asks if Harry is available. Please firecrotch, he may have dated Louise but even he has standards. Minus 4

Final exams, Louise? Since when were you ever doing anything at all to do with college...ever? Ah, those mature students. Minus 6

Michael talks about how much trouble he went to to put the guest list together. Didn't he leave that to a man who gets distracted by shiny things, a senile intern and a freelance fembot. Minus 3

Fly on a wine glass in Odessa's establishing shot. Minus 2 for hygiene

Vogley refers to himself as an actress. GENDER ERROR. Minus 3

Keith allegedly invites Dani out for chips in Greystones. How is that an improvement on the Zaytoon kebab he bitched about? At least bring her to the Happy Pear, man. Minus 6

How is it night time in Galway and still bright in Dublin when Louise calls Harry? Minus 10

Louise trusts Harry with a boot full of beer. Would you? Minus 8

Producers are clearly bored with the lack of boy drama in Vogue's life so introduce Diarmaid to stir up a gay love triangle. Minus 6

Vogue completely abandons his DJ post while music is still playing. Minus 5

Vogue doesn't join the other lads for Jagerbombs and a night on the pull. What is he, a girl? Minus 4

Minus 15 for the inconsistency in Keith's accent when he’s angry. He wasn't English last week.

New job for Louise after making one phone call? Almost as pathetic as Dani's job offer at Dublin Ink. Minus 6

Vogue's hipster glasses. Are American Apparel sponsoring the show now? Minus 4

Total Minus 1- Close but no cookie

The comments on this blog, no matter how offensive, are aimed at the characters portrayed in the show and not the bad actors who play them. In the event that a libel case arises we would get pleasure out of seeing RTÉ prove that the show is an accurate portrayal of anybody’s life….anywhere.