Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Episode 8 - 18/01/11

Dani keeping her legs closed for a change

And it all started off with sore heads for the Fade Street girls and Vog; Less than half an hour later, RTÉ viewers had headaches to rival the worst of hangovers after repeatedly being subjected to listening to Dani whine at Dublin Ink, whether it was asking to become a tattoo artist or getting her own tattoo.

Louise and Harry decided to call it quits after it was decided that they both kind of hated each other anyway, had nothing in common, he was a slut and she was paranoid. Cici decided she enjoyed her post-Lillie's slumber party so much that about a day later she moved in with a wheelie bag bursting with Malboro in tow.
Meanwhile Stellar publisher Michael was busy enforcing his no-fun policy at Stellar's birthday party where Melina pulled a Vogue on Louise, getting her into hot water with the boss...and not in a sexy hot tub party you're-going-to-get-promoted-for-this kind of way. Let's check out this week's tally.

As real as Michael's language is offensive

The girls make Vogue, the one lad in the group, sleep on the couch. Plus 5

Louise and Voggy's matching hoodies. Like an old married couple. Plus 1

Of course Dani wouldn't remember who she was kissing, it's a different guy every night. Plus 4

Plus 2 for how nervous Diarmaid looks during his induction talk with Micheal because we would be too, that man is scarier than Susan.
"Take me for a kebab will you?"

Michael tells Diarmaid that it will be unusual to have a man on board. So what's DSP then?...Oh right, a god. Plus 8

Plus 2 for getting an accountant to work as an Agony Uncle. He's probably talked many a weeping banker of window ledges in recent years.

"After all my years in the business" - DSP talking like a pro. Plus 1

Melina doesn't kiss boys when she's out. Probably because her idea of a wild night is a bottle of Blue Nun and an Ugly Betty box set. Plus 4

Is Louise so self centred that she'd arrange a date next door to her own house? We'll let you answer this one. Plus 4

Plus 5 for Harry's not-so-subtle fuck buddy suggestion.

Harry accurately says that Louise's was the biggest over-reaction he has ever seen. God knows the woman is prone to over-reactions. Plus 6 because her nerves are probably shot after living through the War of Independence, a Civil War, two World Wars and some pretty extreme weather over the years

"I just hate people that waste my time". Plus 3, Lou - if we had as few years left as you did on this Earth, we would definately feel the same.

Cici laughing about Harrison's name. About time, but only Plus 2 because she might just have been coughing up some tar. We're not sure.

Dani still loves Paul. Plus 3 for being the most sensible thing she's said on the show so far. Who doesn't love that fuckin' man?

Vogue's English accent: Better than the DJ montage? VERY possible. Plus 5. We can see a role in Corrie as Ken Barlow's long lost son on the cards.

Plus 3 for showing that DSP helps old dears like Louise across the road by linking arms with them.

Dani and Andre's dirty dancing. Plus 3. There's always one couple in the club doing it.

Two words: “Tattooed fuckwits” Plus 12

As fake as Dani's credability as a tattoo artist
Vogue is woken up by Louise whispering to him yet he slept through the camera crew setting up their equipment? Minus 10

Wait, why did Louise leave Vogue in the club last week if he was staying in her gaff? Minus 3. But Plus 1 for being considerate enough to have an extra long couch for him.

Melina passes off not bringing any friends as her being professional but we're pretty confident she's so dull that she never bothered expressing an interest in anybody else's life unless it was work related. Minus 3. No funds left in the Fade Street piggy-bank for RTÉ to hire some friends like they did for the rest of the cast?

Why does Louise keep meeting up with Harry if she hates him so much? Minus 3. And why oh why does Harry keep meeting up with Louise when she acts like a woman Hitler towards him at every available opportunity? Minus 10

No, Vogwarts wouldn't have much to put on his CV. Only a low-budget TV series. Minus 3

How has Dani still got a job with that attitude? Shouldn't she be happy that the head tattoo artist is doing her work? Although we guess he can't be that good if he agreed to do such a terrible tattoo in the first place. Still, Minus 10 - nobody can afford to be a brat like that during a recession.

Sneak preview of Dani's portfolio. Yeah, everybody gets tattoos of candles. Minus 2

Isn't it great that Cici just ignores all normal protocol such as signing a lease and asking the other flatmate's permission before moving into a new flat? Minus 6

"Don't tell anybody I said that," says Dani referring to her terrible joke which she just said in front of a television camera. Minus 8

Did Vogue mention she Djs on a Saturday at Andrew's Lane Theatre on a Saturday night just off Dame Street on Saturday nights? Minus 3

Vogue dear, Maser's not so anonymous if you're talking about him in front of a camera. Minus 4

Having a live band and no cover charge as the unique selling point of Cici's club night. Minus 3 because that's never been done.

A wannabe tattoo artist can't handle more than two minutes under the needle. Minus 5.

Michael very clearly telling the girls on camera the exact specifics of how a guest list works when moments later Melina lets THREE unlisted people in. You can't make this stuff up...but RTÉ did so Minus 4. Also, did Louise really expect Dani to turn up alone? When is Dani ever alone? Another Minus 4

Why did Dani bring her work buddies to the party with her? They are horrible to her and rightly so. Minus 4

Going to Zaytoon on a date is one thing but going there sober is a whole new kettle of greasy lamb on soggy flat bread. Minus 3

"She's never gonna be like Vogue" - Louise on new bitch Milena. Sorry, but didn't she hate Vog at the start. Shouldn't she have learned her 'don't judge a book by its cover' lesson by now? Minus 6

Dani and her new man "look like something out of Twilight". Minus 3. They look more like pathetic Twilight fans.

Minus 6 for the total lack of conviction with which Melina tells Michael that it was Louise who let the tattooed fuckwit brigade in.

Total Minus 16 – What a coincidence! That's exactly what Melina measures on Reality Index Fun-o-meter

On a final note. Does anybody know what happened to gay Steven and Beaver boy? Is their search and rescue mission going to feature later in the series?

And on a final final note we found a screen grab so great that we decided to give you a chance to come up with a caption. We feel it sums up Stellar's birthday quite nicely.

"Who the fuck let that RTE TWO logo in here!?" - Skkatter


  1. I suggest Melina be called 'Mdina' from now on. Its a fortress known as the Silent City, which is about as lively as Melina.

  2. Oh, can I also add, that Michael dude from Stellar is an EXTRAORDINARY cunt.

  3. This is amazing. Louise living through the War of Independence -inspired. Why doesn't Michael spit that lemon out that he's been sucking on before he speaks?

  4. Yes you can P. Fenrir but only because you put EXTRAORDINARY in caps. To not do that would just make it an understatement

  5. "Who the fuck let that RTE TWO logo in here!?"

  6. Caption:

    "What would you get if Michael O'Leary and Tony Manero had a baby?"

  7. I've actually just been told that the dude Michael from Stellar is 'acting'. Hmmm.

  8. That guy in the pic is clearly reenacting Graham Norton's turn on Father Ted. 'I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me...'

    Loved the part about Vogue getting a part on Corrie as Ken Barlow's son.

  9. I saw Beaver Boy going into Centra on Dame Street last Saturday night at about 3:30. See you all there tonight in case he's there again.

  10. Brilliant captions. skkatter, you are caption king/queen.

  11. The blog is half the reason I watch the show, RTE should have you on the payroll. Are affiliated with the Fake Street comic on facebook?

  12. No but we are big fans. We hope to one day write a fan fiction epic together.

  13. Looks like they used their xmas bonus from rté to splash out on a new couch? We usually try to concentrate on different objects in the picture when Vogue is in shot