Thursday, December 1, 2011

Web Episode 3 - 30/11/11

Talking business.

In tonight’s extended advertisement for Urban Market, we see Louise get chatted up by the stupidest man in Ireland.  Not only does he think she has a head for business but he’s also under the impression that the old hag is 23.  Jesus Christ, where did RTÉ pick up this lad? At the Take Me Out auditions?

The answer to that question is no. After a quick google we found out that Lee stars as a waiter in another RTÉ hit reality television programme, The Restaurant.  He was also in a boyband named Men2Be who had a single called 'Love Satisfaction' and has tried and failed not once, but twice, to compete in the Eurovision. Scarleh for ye, Louise. 

As boring as this episode was, we are on the edge of our seats for Paul’s return to the big smoke and are taking bets on who he’ll shove first.  

As real as low price retail units in the Docklands

Jacinta is obsessed with men.  Is she the new Dani? Plus 4.

Louise is still having difficulty finding a celebrity for the fake tan party.  Well, at least she admits all her friends are Z-listers. Plus 5.

Lee has to graphically describe anywhere across the Liffey to Southsider Louise. Plus 3.

Louise tells Lee that she's doing Rockstar Tan's party but fails to tell him that she's freaking out about it. Plus 8 because we all tell lies to potential employers.

Dublin Ink gimp’s impression of Paul is gold.  Plus 6. In fact, another Plus 6 for just mentioning Paul in the first place.

I know what you’re like” – Dublin Ink troll on Dani’s promiscuous ways. Don’t we all! Plus 4.

It wouldn’t be like Paul to RSVP.” Ding! Plus 3 to Cici.

Louise: “So many of the friends I went to school with have gone”. Yes, either gone to a retirement home or gone to heaven to see god. Plus 5

As fake as hair on the South Side

Louise and Jacinta’s very obvious hair extensions. Not so Hot Lox. Minus 2.

Jacinta’s mate just happens to walk by. Minus 3.

Louise is friendly to Lee when she meets him for the very first time. Minus 3. She hates strangers...and young people she doesn't know and trust.

Lee reveals his entire business plan to Louise within 16 seconds of meeting her. Minus 3 

More product placement.  Minus 10 – this is getting very annoying. 

I just kinda like help run events.” Why are people hiring Louise? Seriously Dani has more charisma. Minus 4.

"Nice architrave."
Why are they trying to make Rikkan seem so mysterious? Everybody’s seen them strolling around Temple Bar and cooing at Paul’s Boutique bags in BT2. Minus 4.

Your background’s a lot of fashion” says Lee to Louise.  Now how did he know that considering they only just met and the background she described to him two seconds earlier made no mention of fashion. Care to explain that one? Minus 20.

Dani says inviting Paul to Dublin was a mistake. Minus 5 to the second stupidest person in this episode after Lee.

Tattoo man trusts Paul not to “start shit” at his t-shirt party. Minus 5. Nobody is that stupid. Hasn't Paul wreaked havoc at every gathering of more than 3 people in this programme so far?

The image of grim tattoo man walking around his house naked. Emotionally scarring and a definite Minus 4.

When would dedicated follower of fashion Cici ever be caught dead shopping with a mucker like Dani. Minus 2

Louise pretending that she doesn't remember the Urban Market building used to be a train station. Minus 6. Girl used to sell tickets there when it was operational.

Minus 4 for the poor waiter in Alfies who had to stand holding a tray of drinks because Louise couldn't have bothered with punctuality..

Why did Lee congratulate Louise for getting the job? We all know that’s what she’s supposed to say. Minus 5.

Total Minus 36 - Not a popular one.

The comments on this blog, no matter how offensive, are aimed at the characters portrayed in the show and not the bad actors who play them. In the event that a libel case arises we would get pleasure out of seeing RTÉ prove that the show is an accurate portrayal of anybody’s life….anywhere.


  1. This is my favourite blog of all time...that is not an exaggeration.