Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Web Episode 1 - 29/11/11

You may have thought you were going to see a brand new and exciting episode of Ireland’s flagship reality mess but in fact it’s the same shit theme, same shit characters and same shit fake problems. Even the new gal about town, Roz, is so dull and unoriginal that we can’t think of a funny nickname for her so we're just going to call her Jacinta.

Things that have changed since the last series:
Louise has gotten older.
Cici’s eyebrows are pink but are still the talking point of her face.
Voguelad now lives in Oz and dates the gay member of Westlife, Brian McFadden.
Everybody is suddenly friends with a girl called Jacinta who has never been mentioned before.

As real as our need to see Paul Furlong on screen again.

The new sponsor, Rimmel, realises how awful Dublin is after watching the show and is encouraging viewers to get the London look.  Plus 15

Fade Street has a Twitter hashtag. It’s nice that they recognise people (like us) with no lives talk about the programme on the internet. We’re interpreting it as a personal shout out. Btw we now have a twitter account.  Plus 5

Cici obviously did her make up when drunk and accidentally put lipstick on her eyebrows. Plus 2 because it seems like the type of ‘kooky’ and ‘weird’ thing she’d do. Brown eyebrows are so mainstream.

Louise failed a job interview. As an old greeter at B&Q? Plus only 1 because we recognise that potential employers often judge people on age.

Nobody has heard from Vogue since he moved to Oz. Well, yeah. He didn't have to pretend to be their friend of television there. Plus 4.

Wonder if that’s the 16 year old Dani illegally pierced? Plus 2 because cool girls like Dani don’t care about the law.

Not so exciting new girl.
Jacinta struts into the series by walking in sync to her own background music. Pretty cool. Plus 1

Cici’s face when Jacinta says she wants to DJ was the same one we made when we heard Cici was breaking into the club scene. Is that meta? Plus 2.

Melina glares at Louise for her entire stay in the Stellar office and does no work. Plus 7 because we honestly believe that Melina thinks that getting fired is worth it if it means you can be a bitch to somebody. 

DSP tells Louise not to distract her but that's exactly what she does. Probably because she went deaf around the time she turned 92. Plus 5. But minus 3 because camera crews are inherently distracting.

Susan clearly doesn't give a shit what Louise is doing with her life and just walks out. Plus 12 for the honesty.

DSP lends support to Louise while walking because of her dodgy hip. Plus 6. Now there's a gent!

Louise complains about only meeting dickheads on nights out in Dublin. Well she does work the door of Gossip. Plus 3.


As fake as Vogue's enthusiasm to be back in Ireland filming a C grade television programme.

Lou borrowed this outfit from QEII when
her old penpal visited her this year.
Louise: “She's so a relationship girl and we're not.” Says the woman who was the mistress to various European emperors throughout the 17th- 19th century. Minus 3

Cici calls men “oxygen thief freaks” but we’re pretty sure it was the fags that made her lungs that way. Minus 10. However, Plus 8 for the Keith reference!

Louise talking about Jacinta's decision to become a DJ: “She's not just putting on a CD and going uhhhh”. Yes, because that's not what Vogue did at Oxegen in the last season. Minus 3.

Andrew's Lane and Anthony Remedy get a mention. Well that hasn't happened in nearly every episode. Minus 5.

What’s more embarrassing than being Anthony Remedy? Paying lessons on how to be Anthony Remedy. Minus 5 for Jacinta.

Dani on her tattooing skills: “My cartoon animals are out of this world.” Okay, hun. We'll let you know when we want our kids to get a shoddy Foghorn Leghorn. Minus 6.

Dani is still employed. Minus 12.

Dani's grim boss asks Cici to DJ at an event. Because Dublin only has one DJ? Minus 4.

DSP's face doesn't move when he's walking with Louise. Minus 2 because botox is not cool.

Stellar? Doing a promotions piece? How dare it turn its back on the high quality journalism it was producing up until now.  Minus 3 because the fourth estate just exploded.  

We thought it was offensive when Cici claimed to be one of David Bowie's
creations and feel this is more accurate.
Cici drops into conversation that she ran a club night...again. Minus 4. A failed club night is nothing to be proud of.

“The one thing i don’t play is very commercial chart music” – CiciMinus 2 because we injured ourselves from banging our heads against the wall after hearing that. 

Jacinta's face when Cici talks about different brands of decks. You know, she almost looks like the knows what she's talking about. Almost. Minus 3

Vogue claims that Sydney is like Dublin in the sun. We haven't been but imagine that Sydney has a metro link to the airport and less model/DJs per square mile. Minus 5

Vogue says there’s loads of jobs in Oz and that everyone there is working two minutes after saying he had to DJ for free.  Minus 20.

Everybody refers to Louise as “single” and not a “WW2 Widow”. Minus 5.

Total: -22.  Off to a flying start!

Let us know what you thought of Fade Street's glorious return below. 

P.S. Sorry for the quality of the pictures. Webisodes, eh?

The comments on this blog, no matter how offensive, are aimed at the characters portrayed in the show and not the bad actors who play them. In the event that a libel case arises we would get pleasure out of seeing RTÉ prove that the show is an accurate portrayal of anybody’s life….anywhere.


  1. Seeing Roz, ahem, Jacinta's mic pack on her skirt as she greets Louise - is this not reality?? Minus 10!!