Missed the episode? Just stare at this picture for 24 minutes
“New year, new you” seems to be the philosophy in Fade Street this week. The gals and Vogue start heading in different career directions and accumulate a few fellas along the way. However, in a not so exciting twist, everything goes pear-shaped: Louise finds a new rival in the "exotic" Milena and her new man appears to be quite the player, Dani struggles to stay single and Vogue, bless him, mistakes a bunch of weirdos running around a studio for 'actors'.
Meanwhile, Cici manages to keep the fags away from her lips for a few minutes, allowing her to score what looked like a cross between Ron Jeremy and a serial killer. Maybe the fact that it still seems to be October in Fade Street has something to do with the gang not being able to stick to their New Year's Resolutions.
As real as Milena's tan
Harry didn’t text Louise back. Would you? Plus 8
Well at least Vogroll's been listening to all those complaints about the bad acting on Fade St. and is doing something about it by enrolling in classes. Plus 3 Cici then mentions "the big screen". Next up: Fade Street: The Motion Picture - a tale of a tranny trying to make it big.
Voggy, manages to find somebody his own height at drama and is instantly in a full blown bromance. That’s just so sweet. Plus 3
Newby Dani is sent for coffee. Ah newby pecking order. Plus 3
An entire film crew (which, as we’ve pointed out before, would probably consist of two cameramen, a director and a sound man) showing Dani giving a piercing. Last time we got a piercing we were allowed to take one person in, not four. Minus 3
DSP missed having a slave around. We had a feeling he was into S&M... the love of feathers and all things shiny gave it away. Plus 2
You might think we exaggerate about Cici's love of tobacco but...
"Twenty or so bachelors running around needing looking after," DSP's perfect evening! Plus 4 for his smile as he thinks about it.
Cici distracting Dani from her terrible tattoo idea by mentioning a man. Plus 2, that trick always works.
Also Cici's being a bit more active than usual - standing, walking about. Maybe Santa got her an Oxygen tank for Christmas? Plus 2
Vog thinks his acting career will lead him to a Tampax ad. Yeah we can definitely picture him as the guy who mistakes the tampon for a sweet. Plus 8
Remarkably, the dogs that Vogzilla and his sister are walking are in proportionate size to their walkers. Pretty cool, right? An Irish Wolfhound probably would have worked better. Plus 3 regardless.
Plus 2 for Louise's look of disgust upon entering the Leisureplex. Last time she went there was in 1872 during her teenage years.
Of course Louise would need a smaller bowling ball. Her bones are brittle. Plus 2
Why are they eating cucumber at a bowling alley? Each to their own, we suppose. No points
“Just because you write on the internet doesn’t mean you can write” – Stellar’s publisher. Yeah, we’ll give him that one. Plus 2
Louise wastes about three seconds before coming down on Melina harder than a failed sky diver. Plus 8
The tension between Louise and her new rival. Plus 6. Although why is Louise acting like she owns the place? She may have a few decades on everybody else working there but she's still the new girl. Another Plus 3 for Melina putting her in her place and leaving her looking like a speechless bitter twat.
We feel a bit bad for Dani because all the others are waltzing their way into new careers and she's not getting any TV star preferential treatment. But Plus 6 for wise tattoo artist mercilessly ripping absolute chunks out of Dani when she expresses an interest in becoming a tattoo artist.
Plus 6 for the amount of stares of death Louise gave during the episode. That’s one point each.
Sorry, did Louise actually watch Harry flirt with a girl? We know he's a player but she didn't even give him a chance to explain. What if it was his mate? Bitch much? Plus 3. What else would you expect from a woman who hasn’t smiled since Little House on the Prairie was cancelled.
As fake as Dani's vegetarianism:
That run in with Harrison has to be the most set up moment of the show yet. Why would a camera be following around an extremely minor (if attractive) member of the cast? Minus 3
“It should have been cheesecake it’s so cheesy,”says Cici. Oh Jesus God no. Minus 15
Dani expresses an interest in a Storm from X-Men tattoo. Has she ever expressed an interest in anything comic or even art related? Minus 2
Not so subtle advertising of the Vogster's DJ slot at Gossip. On Saturday, Saturday, Saturday. At Andrew’s Lane Theatre…on Saturdays. Minus 4
How did Louise get time off for a holiday after the whole Marbella scandle? Don't tell us Susan's gone soft. Minus 4
Dani on her admirer: "He's never seen me!" Really? Not even on the telly? Minus 5
We know DIT needs funds... but letting Fade St film there??? Seriously? Even UCD hasn't dropped that low... yet. Minus 2
Do the girls eat every single meal out? How come we never see them tackling real issues like choosing between Galtee or Denny rashers or looking for re-usable bags to bring to the shops? Minus 10
Also, what non-tourist goes for dinner on that boat restaurant? Is this the new extended version of the Discover Ireland ad? Minus 2
Why is Vog suddenly mentioning his boyfriend? Is Maser he in need of a few sales? Minus 1
Why would Louise want to work full time? Doesn't she claim to be in college? Minus 2
Dani's given up sausage for a few month's? Minus 3 We give it till the end of the episode till she's back to the butchers with... Oh, would ya look at that.
Why is Vog in a veggie restaurant? Real men eat 15lb steaks. Minus 2
Minus 5 for not having filmed in Lillie's sooner. That place is Fade St.
Louise get's a taxi from Grafton St to Fade St? How are these girls still struggling with geography? Minus 9
Total: Plus 10 - Because Louise held absolutely none of her awful personality back.
The comments on this blog, no matter how offensive, are aimed at the characters portrayed in the show and not the bad actors who play them. In the event that a libel case arises we would get pleasure out of seeing RTÉ prove that the show is an accurate portrayal of anybody’s life….anywhere.