Of course Dani has a tattoo of a swallow on her body. Plus 3
Her tattoo is also pretty representative of her originality as a rock chic reject. Plus 1
Dani decides to go look at the city’s “architecture.” Is that Spanish for “penis”? Plus 2
“MarbeLLa”: Plus 10 for Dani’s genuine culchie pronunciation. We could see this coming a mile off.
Dani says that Steven wears more hairspray than her. Yes, yes he does. Plus 1
Dani looks very unimpressed with the drums at the “festival”, probably because they’re not playing any Black Eyed Peas. Plus 1
The Vogster doesn’t appear in a bikini. Wonder what he’s covering up? Plus 3
Dani and the girls ankle deep in foam. Well that’s nothing new. Plus 8
All the MCD minions wear stripes – the official uniform of the music industry.
Dani’s excuse “The DART was late.” Extremely likely, Dani. Well done! Plus 2
Like an insecure teenager, Dani’s first act at MCD is to use the company phone to ring her new mother figure, Louise, to tell her about her first four minutes in work. Plus 1
The Vogster rats out Louise for being in Marbella. The fashion industry is that bitchy. Plus 10 In fairness, Vogz is probably just jealous that Louise has a real vagina, even if it is past its sell by date.
Faker than Louise’s apology to her editor.
Louise painting her own room, not bloody likely. In her day that was a man’s job dammit! Minus 9 Her not knowing how to paint a corner. Plus 2
How mortified would you be if YOUR granny decided to join you for your trip to Marbella? Dani doesn’t look displeased enough to see Louise in the airport. Minus 4
You’re appearing on national TV, Louise. Do you REALLY think no one at Stellar would find out you’re in Marbella? Too easy - Minus 3
“I just want to go home and see my boy.” Dani, don’t lie. He’s yucky. Minus 2
“You can relax in your back garden!” We know Dani’s dim but even she should know that it’s pretty hard to hang out in your back garden when you live on the third floor of a city centre apartment. Minus 4
Homosexual Steven walks around East Wall in skinny jeans and is not immediately accosted by a group of 10-year-old skangers. Minus 10 Also, he has HUGE feet. No wonder Dani’s after him.
One point lost for each chair conveniently set up so that the two lads in terrible shorts could sit down and propel the storyline forward. Minus 4
The camera crew films the girls being denied guest list from the club…from the other side of the velvet rope. Fail. Minus 4
Louise and Vogzilla “accidentally” run into each other in Marbella. Ah, now. Minus 419
Dani and Suzie’s complete lack of surprise when Voggy suddenly shows up fireside. Minus 5
Vog instantly abandons his two beards to hang out with people he barely knows. Odd, especially considering the dirty looks Louise gave him at the Stellar interviews. Minus 5
Louise says “Back to reality now” when they return to Ireland. Minus 10
Dani “runs into” a Spanish man and feels she has to mention it to Louise and Suzie. Actual Spanish people live in Marbella?! Minus 2
Skipping your first day as an intern to go to Spain with your mates is “almost a ‘friends are family’ kind of thing.” Louise, NO! Minus 3
Minus 421 Well, that’s what Vogue gets for crashing their Marbella holiday.