Since the almighty Fade Street debuted we've had a low budget version
of The Hills made by RTÉ and we've had an even lower budget version
of Jersey Shore by the lower budget of TV3. Then there was LeFloof
TV. If anybody knows what the fuck the latter was about will you
kindly let us know. Up until now we thought we'd leave it at Fade
Street because we didn't want to overkill. (Eg. We got real jobs) But
something about Corcaigh Shore has struck a nerve with us so let's
have it.
More
real than the the confusion that those who market Coppers are now
making a video series:
The
house is draped in Cork flags.
Plus 5
because we all know that level of pride exists in the south. Minus
3
because most of them are stuck in the windows, which would never be
able to close.
Some genius had the idea of leaving the kitchen clock beside the banner
which reads SIGNATURE ENTERTAINMENT!!! (The crowd who market Coppers
in Dublin, before you ask. Yes, these people have hired the same
people as Coppers to market themselves.) Watching said clock, there's
only about 2 minutes between each person/thing which proves just how
little they actually have to say about themselves. Plus 6
Cian
says he eats naggins for breakfast. Judging by his teeth, yes, yes he
does. Plus 3
Drinking
champagne out of plastic cups. Ah, they're young. Plus 2
The
girls get a lift to the door while the guys have to walk up. Plus
3
Girl
thing says “it's vodka time.” C'monn, we've all said that at one
point in our lives. Plus 1
The ladies go on a trip to the castle, while the boys stay at home,
playing FIFA and talking about their dicks. Plus 4. Me man. Me
like football. Me have reproductive stick.
Of
course they have plastic red cups for pre-drinking. Plus 2
“The actual mauling last night was worse than city hall.” Is
that a Cork thing? No points, just curious.
One
Direction child thing seems to be the only one who doesn't score. Plus 4
for the lack of statutory rape.
Sorry.
Let's just pause this. Does the episode actually end with someone,
knowing they'll be on camera and consenting to it, scream out “I
love yokes.” Nothing against that kind of thing but... Wow! Plus
16 for honesty. Minus 8 for future job prospects.
Faker
than the chance of “Mr. I love yokes” ever getting a job again.
An
intro as Gaeilge à
-la The Valleys. Nice, except it's in Munster Irish which nobody will
ever take seriously. Minus 2
Green
shorts man calls the place a shag pad and says it will be crawling
with clunge tonight. Minus 5 because it isn't and it doesn't.
The
guys obviously caught even the camera people by surprise because when they
ran out the back everything in shot is incredibly white and
never changes back and you can't see anything or anyone. Minus 5.
Cork
guys doing Cork accents in the garden. Minus 4 their accents
are funny as it is to outsiders.
Why
does that guy have a toaster in his hand while talking to the camera.
Minus 8 for confusion.
Child
man thing comes into the park and chases ducks and swans away.
Minus 4 because you'd like to think boys get over that kind of
fuckwittery when they get past 12 but Plus 2 because he
actually might not be 12 yet.
“How
are the beours?” Say the guys to strange women in the parks. Minus
3... Just... minus 3.
“What's
her name again?”
“The
one with the arse.”
Minus
4, they were too busy sitting
on their arses, playing FIFA to see anybody else's.
“I'm
fuckin tampin” They're so bored 4 hours into their own reality show
that they feel the need to quote other ones. Minus 3
Hotter
guy instinctively pipes up and knows the cabs are there while they're
sitting in the back garden and he's received no phone call. Minus
4.
“CAPTAIN
AMERICAS. Let's go there!!!” We liked Captain America's until now
but now we're not so sure. Minus 4
In
the club, they get champagne in actual flutes. Minus 3 because
they didn't need them earlier.
The
guys rave behind the DJ in the DJ box. No way would an actual DJ
allow the type of people, who have the new Avicci song on their phone
and play it to other people on the bus, into his DJ box to spill beer
and semen on his collection. Minus 5
TORTURED.
Tortured doesn't even begin to cover the numerous failed attempts of
kissing when they get into the club. Minus 3 for sheer
discomfort.
Why
is one of the shots of people kissing in portrait mode and most likely shot on an iPod. Did the
actual cameras run out of batteries? Minus 3
Two
people mauling a couple that are mauling each other. Oh, god are we
now using the phrase “mauling”?! Minus 2 because this shit
may be more infectious than the Cork accent.
Total - Minus 25. Flying start then.
Did we miss anything? Comment below.
